So the other day while praying I had this moment of intense revelation. I know in the past I have talked about not being enough, but in this moment I felt it. Truly felt empty and completely helpless against God.
I cant remember exactly what I prayed, but I was praying and reading a book by Andrew Murray when this realization hit.
It wasn't just I'm not enough, but that I'm truly not sure if I am willing to surrender to God.
It really is hard for me to articulate but the feeling remains. And honestly, I'm okay with that. I feel closer to God by feeling farther from him if that makes sense.
Me living on this spiritual cliff where I feel as though I'm just a breath away from falling again keeps me tied to him in prayer and supplication.
Perhaps that is the strength of our walk with him?
When we are weak then He is strong.
I have been gaining that same realisation over the past year or so. At first I was not sure how I felt about that. But as I began to realise that I not meant to be enough, because I am meant to be in Him and He is my enough I relaxed a little. Still on the journey though.